FAQs

Hopefully as more people begin to use our services, we will be able to match consumers to livestock faster and faster. Currently it is on an order-by-order basis. When you’ve placed your order, we will keep you updated on the status with Email/SMS updates, and provide an estimated timeline. In order to improve this, please spread the word! (Or don’t, but don’t complain to us when you’re paying too much for your meat at the grocery store like some kind of fool)

Yes, of course. If we are able to sell a whole animal to one family, we do less paperwork, less shipping, and less communication. More is always less! (This is the first rule of economies of scale, and opposite day).

Of course, please contact us and we will work something out. We love to see Albertan families grow and thrive. (This of course does not apply to Albertan gopher families, who we have launched a dedicated extermination initiative against)

Our prices are based off hanging weight in order to ensure Ranchers are paid fairly. Hanging weight will always be more than the final weight because of the removal of bone, sinew, gristle and excess fat during butchering, as well as the evaporation of water in the meat during the hanging and aging process creating shrinkage (no, not the Wim Hof kind of shrinkage).

We don’t really know. We do know our meat is always delicious, and adrenaline free, but whether the taste is because we do not truck live or because our ranchers raise the best meat is unknown. There was a 2019 study done in Australia that concluded stress during transport and handling did negatively impact consumer satisfaction with meat flavour. To read more on the study you can find it here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6769826/ (To us, Alberta beef puts Australian beef to shame, so advice from the Aussies on beef is about as useful as sandals in the winter. Sorry mate, that’s not a steak. This is a steak.)

All our meat is taken out of the freezer last minute and can be shipped with dry ice if necessary, depending on outside temperature and distance. You don’t have to be home to sign for or accept your delivery, but all orders should be refrigerated or frozen as soon as possible (as for a package theft deterrent, we recommend a Scooby-Doobian trap door)

Yes, all our ranchers have pasture-raised beef. We do not cling to the grass-fed title as much as some other companies, simply due to the fact that almost all cattle in Alberta are grass-fed. Next time you drive past a bunch of cattle, take note of what they are eating: grass. Grass-fed is often used more as a marketing ploy than an actual measure of cattle’s dietary health. (We used it on our landing page to get you here. You sucker.)

Unfortunately, no. The meat purchased through this website cannot be resold due to licencing regulations associated with mobile butchering. (If we find out that our products are being resold or used to run a business, you’ll be having a very long meeting with Big Tony and Little Tony, and maybe also Medium-Tony if he’s out of prison at the time)

Sure thing. Just send us a message requesting a change and we will adjust your shipment frequency. After the initial slaughter and butchering date, we can customize your shipping plan however you’d like. Additional charges may apply for changes to shipping or storage times. (Hey, we said we ship for free; we never said we change stuff for free. We hate change, and a bunch of other things, but don’t get us started)

You can customize just about every aspect. If you are buying a whole animal, you are able to determine the breed, diet and age of the livestock prior to slaughter. For all orders above ¼ cut, you are able to customize the length of time the carcass dry ages, the type of cuts, the size of the cuts as well as the final products. We do charge extra for this, and request payment up front, since the process cannot be automated and requires a lot of coordination on our part. Just email us with your requests, and we can manually input a transaction order for you. (Just please don’t be annoying with your requests. We get it, you’re a carnivorous apex predator, but no, you cannot eat the heart fresh out of the carcass as we all chant Kali-Ma)

After we slaughter the animal, we remove all the blood, internals, hooves, and head, leaving behind the carcass that contains all the farm-fresh meat you are paying for. That is the hanging weight. We have to use hanging weight in order to ensure the ranch is getting paid fairly for their animal. We use a hanging scale to weigh the carcass right in front of the rancher. (The use of a hanging scale is not recommended by Doctors for weighing newborn babies, especially if you hold the baby up like it’s a big fish you just caught. Don’t ask us how we know)

Yes. We can make anything work. Just contact us and we will figure out a reasonable solution for you. We are dedicated to ensuring that there is an opportunity for everyone to take advantage of this program. We have dedicated carriers who are able to help us accomplish a lot of this. (For more information about the benefit of shipping parcels by mail, you can read our hand-written manifesto, or visit our shack in the woods near Lincoln Montana)

Yes. If you want to have pet food made or bones smoked, we can process them and ship to you on the same schedule as your meat. (The idea for Alberta Farm To Table pet food came to existence while being tortured using a combination of LSD and the Meow Mix Theme by the CIA. After 10 days of being locked in a box and forced to listen to the Meow Mix theme song on loop, we were able to understand what the cat in that commercial was really asking for: “farm-fresh pet food delivered right to their home.” Cats may ask for Meow Mix by name, but It’s not really what they are saying, man.)